Going With the Flow

By Clara-Ève Landry

Knowing my grip could not fight a force comparable to being hit by 5000 basketballs per second, I take a breath in the pocket of air created by the flat area of the raft and let myself go down the Kennebec River. “Feet up and let yourself be guided by the waves” I remember one of the guides saying before our expedition. I lay in a lawn-chair position, hoping that the large yellow vest strapped on my body is enough to keep me above the surface. My vision is blurry as I try to time my respiration with the waves. As intervals of water cascade over me, my body is pushed downwards. I get my head above the surface and look around to see the top of bright yellow helmets flowing down the river, a capsized raft, and other groups flowing safely down the stream. The border of rocks alongside the river seems to be getting closer together making me a prisoner to the waves.

***

Ever since I started going to Kents Hill School, I looked forward to the senior class connection trip at Adventure Bound in Caratunk, Maine because of the rafting activity. On Sunday morning, I squeezed my legs into the tight, moist wetsuit I borrowed and hopped to pull the straps over my shoulders. I zipped my jacket until it brushed my chin forming a barrier between my goosebumps and the September wind. It was so tight. I felt like I was stuck under a thick and suffocating layer of rubber, walking with my arms straight out because it pinched my skin. I had never been rafting before and I never would’ve thought that this suit would later be the only thing separating my skin and the hairy water.  

***

I sit on the right back side of the big yellow inflatable raft because I was told that it was the safest place to be. The sides are rigid and there is just enough space for me to tuck my feet under the thwart at an angle to sit on the outside tube. Behind me is our guide Brandon, a four-foot-ten adrenaline junkie who I know won’t be a good match for my anxious old soul. He yells commands so we know when to paddle: “Right side up!” The right side paddles. “Left side up!” The left side paddles. “All ahead!” We all paddle together in a synchronized way. 

The beginning of our trajectory is successful and we are confident in our control over the raft until the waves took over and we start shifting sideways. Brandon ordered the left side to paddle to bring us back to our initial position, but the boat did not cooperate. He knew we were going to flip moments before it happened, but we didn’t. Suddenly, Big Mama lifts our boat sideways in the air, flipping it upside down, submerging my body below the surface of the water under the raft. I held on to the grab rope as tight as I could until I was defeated by the raging torrent. 

My head is on a swivel as I burp and spit out water incessantly. My stomach feels heavy and my thoughts spin at a hundred miles per hour. The fear dramatizes the situation as I float into the unknown, clueless of when the end would come. Terrified that I will never get out of this situation, I feel trapped in the rapid and search desperately for a way out. I think about my family and what their life would look like without me and imagine every possible way this situation could get worse. Trying to bring my head back to reality, it feels like time has stopped and that this journey is endless. I want to give up but then I see a yellow boat waiting for me in the distance. The water seems to be calming down as I hear a voice shout “swim towards us!”. I try, but I have no energy left in me and no control over my body. My legs are tired from fighting gravity to stay on top of the water and my arms from trying to stay gripped to the rope. The safety came towards me. A lady grasps my arms and pulled me onto the raft. I burp to release the pressure in my stomach. Drenched in water sitting in the back of the raft are two members of my rafting crew, Ava and Jakub. Shaking from the adrenaline, I hugged them so tight that all the fear left my body. I am safe now.

***

Sitting on the bus back to Adventure Bound I think about the emotions I felt on our way to the river and how I was questioning Mr. Chabot, my English teacher who had been on this trip before, to reassure myself. “Has anyone ever flipped the boat?” I asked him. “ In all my nine years of going on this trip, no one has ever flipped,” he answered. I was still tense and I could only think of ways this experience could go wrong. Now, I realize that our boat flipping was not an unfortunate event but a lesson. It taught me that not every situation is going to go the way I want and that instead of being nervous and overthinking, I should take some risks and trust myself in unexpected situations. 

At the end of the day, the feeling of distress that I shared with my boat crew brought us closer together and out of several seniors, only eight of us can say that we were on the first Kents Hill School raft to flip. It took me a long time to conclude that although I wasn’t able to enjoy the true rafting experience, I was forced out of my comfort zone and lived an experience that I would’ve never purposely tried. It was a perfect start to my senior year of high school and I am confident that I will remember it forever.

Clara-Ève Landry is a senior at Kents Hill School in Maine. During her time off school Clara enjoys coaching soccer. She lives in New Brunswick, Canada where she lives with her family
and her dog. She recently was a contest winner of the Plunkett Poetry Festival Contest and one of twenty finalists of the Storm King Poetry Festival Contest.