By Laura Stamps
I’m thinking about Max. My imaginary dog. And this. This is the reason. Why. He’s a Chihuahua. It’s this page. The next page. In this dog magazine. It’s an article about the best brushes for each breed. How to choose the right one. My Max. Like I said. This is why he’s a Chihuahua. It’s his coat. It’s short. Not long. A very good thing. Because, because. According to this article, you’d need three brushes and a comb to groom a dog with a long coat. What? What? Yeah. That’s what it says. And more. There’s more. You’d need to use all these brushes every week. Holy moly! Who has the time for that? Or the patience? Tell me. Who? Fortunately. With Max. My Max. I’d only need one brush. That is. If I had a dog. A Chihuahua. I might. One day. But not now. Well, maybe. It’s possible. I don’t know. But if I did. He’d have to be like Max. He would. A rescue. I mean, rescues are the best. Everyone knows that. And small. He’d have to be small. Seven pounds. No more. And a senior. Of course. Housetrained. Yes. Leash trained. Yes. And a cuddler. Yes. Yes. And then there’s this. This. Too many seniors are dumped at shelters by their owners when they get old. Can you imagine? (Who are these crazy people?) And my Max. He’d have to be black and brown. That’s my favorite. But then again. Black dogs. The last to be adopted. They are. Like seniors. The very last. It seems. Nobody wants an old dog. Nobody wants a black dog. (Who are these crazy people?) But now I’m thinking. Maybe, maybe. I should get a grooming glove. Instead of a brush. You know. One of those gloves with bristles. I could groom my old black dog while I pet him. How cool is that? But then, but then. Which is best? Brush or glove? Decisions, decisions. So much to consider. With an imaginary dog. I should go to PetSmart tomorrow. Check out the brushes. You know. Just to look. That’s all. Just. Looking. I am. Not buying. No. Seriously. I swear.
Laura Stamps loves to play with words and create experimental forms for her fiction and prose poetry. Author of 43 novels, novellas, short story collections, and poetry books. Most recently: CAT MANIA (Alien Buddha Press 2021), DOG DAZED (Kittyfeather Press 2022), and THE GOOD DOG (Prolific Pulse Press 2023). Winner of the Muses Prize. Recipient of 7 Pushcart Prize nominations.
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