aren’t you cold?

By Jade Metrillo

When Won’s brother calls to ask how he’s doing, he says he’s doing good. He talks about getting new glasses and contacts, about the stray cats in his neighborhood he sees on his walks, and the rains they’ve been having lately.  

He doesn’t tell him about the reason why he needed new glasses in the first place. 

(He was only supposed to get groceries that day, but he saw a familiar figure among the crowd. He’d call his name again and again but he doesn’t respond. Unwilling to let it go, he tries to chase him only to trip and fall face first breaking his glasses in the process. This finally catches the person’s attention and he looks back to check up on poor Won and his groceries on the floor. Only then does he realize the stranger wasn’t who he was looking for. 

Won goes home with a text from the optometrist’s office confirming his appointment, his groceries, broken glasses, and an even more broken heart.)

He mentions nothing about the questions he gets from the neighborhood aunties when he walks past them as he goes to feed the strays on his daily walk. 

(“No blondie with you today?” “You’re alone?” “Mister, where’s your friend? I haven’t seen him lately, I’ve been meaning to ask him to join us in our exercise again.” 

Even the cats looked at him weirdly when he went alone the first time. Always looking behind him, waiting for the other human food dispenser. 

Eventually, the questions become about something else and the cats are back to tricking him into giving them more food.)

He doesn’t say anything about how cold it gets when it rains. 

Especially alone in a house made for two. 

(Won used to like it when it rained. The sound of the raindrops hitting the roof is a relaxing sound that he tends to fall asleep to, and it’s a good excuse to ask to stay under the covers and cuddle a little more as a way to keep warm. It was also a rare time the people in the house weren’t rushing to go somewhere so they could take their time playing around in the kitchen and enjoying the food they cooked together. 

But now, not even the sound of the rain can drown the thoughts racing in his head, preventing him from getting a good night’s sleep. Now, he’s alone under the covers, colder than ever wishing he’d set a reminder to call someone to fix the heater. He eats his meal alone in a cold house that feels so empty.)

He doesn’t speak about Han. 

And the way he thinks about him when it rains. 

(He wonders if he’ll ever call him to ask if he’s cold and shivering alone, or to remind him to fix the heater, or ask him what he cooked for lunch.) 

(He looks at every corner Han could’ve left something when he moved out just so he can have a reason to call him, to ask him to come back.)

His brother asks him if he’s ok and he says yes. There’s a few seconds before his brother asks him the same question he’s been asking him every time.

“Are you sure you’re ok? You’re over him now?”

He answers yes and no and that he needs to go. 

One day he’ll get over Han. 

And he’ll forget the shape of the back of his head, and the aunties and the cats will stop looking at him weirdly when he walks alone. He’ll learn to keep himself warm during the rain and stop looking for things in his house that aren’t there anymore.

One day. But not today. 

Today, he wonders if Han is feeling cold too. 

Jade Metrillo is currently a sophomore in the Philippines. When she’s not studying the ins and outs of a person’s psyche, she writes about love, heartache, and everything in between. She hopes other people can see themselves and their experiences in her works