By John Paul Lama
The following entries are excerpts from the diary of a girl who lives in the Philippines named Zoey. The entries cover a span of about five years, and deal specifically with Zoey’s friendship with a girl named Katrina in the same martial arts class.
August 19, 2017
Today was my first day in karate class. My parents dropped me off at a big house in a subdivision not too far from ours. It was the instructor’s home and apparently he teaches out of his garage. It was clean and spacious, and open enough to let sun and wind come in so we didn’t have to worry about lights and air conditioning.
The instructor seems like a nice man. His name is Joaquin Ariel Libertad. He’s quiet and strict-looking, but he doesn’t raise his voice at us, and he joins us when he makes us do the techniques and strengthening exercises. He has this tendency to talk a lot, especially to explain the techniques, but I guess he has his reasons. We only did basic punches, kicks, and blocks today, all from standing position, but that’s more than enough for our first two-hour session.
There was only one other student that day. She was a new student too. Her name is Katrina Jezebel Luna Garcia but she wants to be called Katrina. She said she’s fourteen too. I hope we’ll see each other again next week.
November 26, 2017
Katrina and I took our promotion exam today. It was exactly as Sensei Joaquin told us it would happen. Before the chief instructor of Karate Development Academy, we did moving kihon, then our kata (Heian Shodan), and then three step sparring with partners. For the last part, Katrina and I were paired off because we’re both from KDA Luntian (Sensei Joaquin’s dojo) and we’re the same height. It was good because we’ve practised three step sparring so much these past few weekends that we’ve practically memorized it now.
We passed the exam, thanks to sensei’s training and our hard work. We’re yellow belts now. I don’t know how many more belts there are. I saw orange belts, green belts, purple belts, and some brown belts during the exam, but right now, I don’t care. I’m happy we both made it.
Mom and dad took our picture after our exam earlier. It’s the first time I had my picture taken with just Katrina. I hope it won’t be the last.
December 2, 2017
It was our first karate tournament today. It happened in Centrum, a big mall a long walk from Sensei Joaquin’s house. Sensei only allowed us to join the kata event of our age group, and I was okay with that, but Katrina wanted to join in kumite too. Sensei didn’t allow her, and I understood why when we arrived at the tournament venue.
There were many competitors, probably around two hundred plus. Even when we were divided into our events and categories, there were still maybe two dozen players in our event. We were all white or yellow belts in our event so we did Heian Shodan or Heian Nidan, and we were all either 14 or 15 year old girls, and we only had to do our chosen kata once (I heard from Sensei that for this tournament’s kata events, scoring system is in effect, not flag system, whatever that means), but I was still very nervous. I know I’m usually awkward around people but I get really anxious when there’s plenty of them watching me. I guess that is why I only got bronze medal and Katrina got silver. To celebrate, we ate lunch together after our event.
Katrina. She’s amazing. She’s definitely better than me in karate. And she’s likely in it for different reasons. I wonder why her parents enrolled her in it? It can’t be because her parents want her to get healthy or make friends; those are my parents’ reasons for enrolling me. She doesn’t need to get healthier or make friends; she’s naturally athletic and she has the confidence to attract friends to her. So I wonder why?
Maybe I’ll find out next year.
March 25, 2018
We took our second promotion exam today. This time, we took the exam from yellow belt to orange belt. Like before, we had to do moving kihon and kata. What’s different this time is that instead of having us perform three step sparring, the examiner had us do four basic strikes (jab, reverse punch, frontleg round, backleg round) against a pad being held by our partner. Katrina and I were not paired together this time, but it’s okay. Sensei Joaquin had us practice these four techniques so many times each session in different stances that we can do them instantly.
Katrina and I got promoted to the next belt. To celebrate, our families ate dinner together at a fastfood burger joint next to the KDA headquarters where we took the exam. It’s okay as long as she’s there. Actually, it’s better than okay because I finally learned why her parents enrolled her in karate.
Our parents were talking over dinner, and I overheard from Katrina’s parents that she’s in her school’s honor class. That explains a lot. But I also overheard that they decided to pull her out of her school’s taekwondo club when they learned that some of her boy classmates acted…inappropriately toward her. I figure that this means her parents want to keep her in school so she could remain in honor’s class and get good grades, but they want her in a good martial arts class where she could win tournaments, be safe from jocks, and learn to defend herself from bullies all at the same time.
Stupid jocks. It’s a good thing Katrina switched to Sensei Joaquin’s dojo. She’d never have to worry about inappropriate behavior from him or me. If anyone ever hurt her, I’ll give them hell.
May 28, 2018
We joined our second karate tournament today at Centrum. The first big difference is it was organized by Sensei Ryan Richard Montalban (Sensei Joaquin’s sensei) and his blackbelts. The second big difference is Sensei Joaquin had us compete in kata and kumite. Luckily, Katrina and I were in different weight classes, so we didn’t fight in kumite, although we did fight in kata.
I understand now why sensei had us do “live drilling” in preparation for the kumite tournament. Back when he introduced this training method to us, he explained it in a speech, and I didn’t really get most of it, but now I do. Because he had us training against resisting opponents (that’s the term he uses) we learned how to get past someone’s defense, how to deal with their offense, etc. If he had us only hitting pads during practice, we wouldn’t have been prepared, and we wouldn’t have won our medals.
Katrina won gold in both her events. I only won bronze in my events. But that’s okay. I was happy to cheer her on. To celebrate, we ate lunch together after our kata event, and ate dinner together after our kumite events.
June 24, 2018
Something big happened today.
After training, Sensei Joaquin made a big announcement. He and his sensei, Sensei Ryan Richard Montalban, are leaving Karate Development Academy, but are staying in the International Shotokan Karate Federation (ISKF). I don’t know why, but I think it had something to do with the tournament held last May 28. I get the feeling that Sensei Ryan and all his blackbelts who organized that tournament, including Sensei Joaquin, got in trouble with the higher ups of KDA. But I don’t have all the facts.
Whatever their reasons, they’re splitting from KDA, and Sensei Joaquin gave me and Katrina a choice: stay with him, or stay with KDA. Personally, I’d go wherever Katrina goes. I hope our parents make the same choice.
July 30, 2018
We took our promotion exam today for green belt. Two things are different. One, this is our first exam done in ISKF RRM (Sensei Ryan’s dojo) at Centrum, not in KDA headquarters. This is obviously because we all left KDA. I’m glad the parents of Katrina and I decided to stay with Sensei Joaquin. Two, this time, the kumite part of the exam involved actual sparring, not just sparring drills. Katrina and I were paired off because there weren’t many students taking the exam, and we were the only ones in our belt level taking the exam. She beat me by two points with a kick to the body, but I’m okay with it.
We didn’t eat out this time to celebrate. I’m guessing this is because the exam was given after lunch instead of before dinner like in the past. Too bad.
October 22, 2018
Today is a special day in our dojo for two reasons.
First, we have new students: a 10 year-old boy named Thomas and a 9 year old-girl named Tina. They kind of remind me of my younger cousins. Sensei Joaquin had to teach them in a separate class with an earlier schedule because their lessons are different from ours, and because sensei doesn’t have an assistant. It’s a good thing he teaches from his home; he doesn’t have to pay extra for holding more classes.
Second, Katrina will be joining a team of athletes who will compete in an international karate tournament in Thailand. Sensei Ryan will coach the team, while Sensei Joaquin will stay in here to teach in both ISKF Luntian and ISKF RRM. From what I heard, this is Katrina’s first time to compete in an international tournament.
Katrina’s parents requested that I give her words of encouragement that they will record on their smartphone and play when she’s about to compete. I did exactly as they asked. I would have said more if only she was the only one to receive the recording.
Please come back safely, Katrina. I’ll be waiting for you.
January 6, 2019
Three important things happened this week.
First, the bad news. It was literally on the news. Some high school taekwondo jin from Sensei Joaquin’s alma mater got caught on video beating up a schoolmate. The video was uploaded and went viral on social media. Everyone I knew was talking about it: my parents, my classmates, even our neighbors. It was so bad my parents asked me if Sensei Joaquin was teaching us stuff that would work against a bully like that. I, for one, was more worried about Katrina. I mean, the incident didn’t happen in her school, but it was done by someone from the same martial art she used to train in, and I did hear from her parents that her classmates in that martial art club behaved inappropriately toward her. I wonder what she had to put up with before transferring, and what she might have been forced to endure if she hadn’t?
Second, the other news. Sensei Joaquin also saw the video. He must have, because he said he would start introducing MMA techniques in our training next year to prepare us for “real combat” (that was the term he used). I wasn’t all that enthusiastic about it until I learned that he would have Katrina and I do wrestling and grappling techniques. That’s something I actually look forward to doing with Katrina.
Sensei explained why he didn’t teach us this stuff before. I took note of it because it really resonates with the whole bullying incident. He said that, one, he didn’t teach MMA to us before because we’re in good schools and our parents and the school would never allow us to be bullied (he doesn’t know about how Katrina’s classmates mistreated her). He changed his mind after the bullying incident because it happened in a good school – his school. Two, he didn’t teach MMA to us before because our parents were paying him to teach them karate, not MMA. He changed his mind after the bullying incident because self-defense is a big part of karate, and if effective self-defense meant doing MMA, then we should do it. We have to be honest about what we do, he said. If someone says they are going to teach just sport karate, then they should teach only that. If someone says they are going to teach karate in all its aspects, then they should teach karate in all its aspects.
Third, the good news. All of us from ISKF Luntian took our promotion exam. We all passed (Katrina and I are purple 5 belts now), but that’s not the good news for me. The good news is that Katrina gave me her cellphone number so we could stay in touch, and she also gave me her facebook profile name. Apparently, her parents don’t allow her to use her real name on facebook, and keep a close eye on who she’s friends with on facebook. After that taekwondo bully incident, I understand. I just hope they understand that I’ll never do anything to hurt her. She’s special to me.
February 2, 2019
Sensei Joaquin made an important announcement today. He said that he was going to attend review classes on the weekends for the next two months for some licensure exam. That means Katrina and I would have to train at Sir Ryan’s dojo if we want to continue our karate training.
I’d prefer that only Katrina and I train together. It’s bad enough having Thomas and Tina distracting us in Sensei Joaquin’s dojo. Now we have all of Sensei Ryan’s students distracting us in his dojo. Why can’t it just be the two of us?
I don’t like it. But I guess this is better than not training with her at all. I hope Sensei Joaquin finishes his review and passes his exam. That way, Katrina and I would never have to train in another dojo with many other students.
April 7, 2019
Katrina and I are finally back in ISKF Luntian. This must mean that Sensei Joaquin passed his licensure exam, or at least finished it. I’m happy that he’s done with it, but I’m even happier that Katrina and I are back where we belong.
May 27, 2019
Today was a good day for all of us in ISKF Luntian.
First, we took our exams again. Thomas and Tina are orange belts, while Katrina and I are purple 4 belts now. She’s improved a lot, but so have I. Hopefully she’s noticed.
Next, Sensei Joaquin passed his licensure exam. Sensei Ryan announced it in front of everyone after his class but before the promotion exam, and everyone cheered him, rightfully so. I’m glad he made it.
November 10, 2019
Today wasn’t a very good day for me.
I was the only student in ISKF Luntian today. I don’t know where Thomas and Tina are and frankly, I don’t care. But Katrina didn’t show up and she didn’t even tell me why. I hope she’s all right.
That’s not all of it. I think I’m coming down with a flu. I still trained today because there’s a tournament tomorrow and my parents already signed the waiver and paid for my entry last week. We can’t just turn back now. Thankfully, sensei cut me a lot of slack during training. We only focussed on technique, not strengthening. Hopefully it’ll be enough to secure me a win tomorrow.
But even if I win, what good will it be if Katrina’s not there?
November 11, 2019
Today was a bittersweet day.
I won silver in my kata and kumite events – even while I was sick with the flu – but Sensei Joaquin wasn’t there to coach me, nor was Katrina there to notice. I understand sensei is on vacation right now in South Korea to celebrate his passing of the licensure exam, but Katrina…we’ve always been together. Even when she went off to Thailand, I recorded a video message to encourage her. Why couldn’t she do the same for me?
January 26, 2020
Three important things happened today. It sounds like déjà vu but this is bigger than the last time.
First, the good news. Katrina and I were promoted to brown 3 today. That means we’ll be competing in the advanced kata category in tournaments. Hopefully Sensei Joaquin will teach us the more fancy kata we’ve seen others do in tournaments.
Second, the other news. Sensei said there’s going to be a big international tournament in February here in Metro Manila, and he’s going to sign us up. To prepare for it, he said he was going to add training sessions every Sunday until the tournament. And the training sessions are free, as in zero payment. I thought he was joking but he spoke to my parents and Katrina’s parents after training and he said the same thing. He’s serious.
Third, the bad news. Again, it’s literally on the news. There’s this new virus called corona or covid that’s been popping up in different countries all over the world. So far, it hasn’t popped up here in the Philippines yet, but my parents are worried; worried enough to make sure that I bring hand sanitizer to training and that I don’t go outside the house without them. I don’t know much about this virus yet, and I’m guessing a lot of people don’t either. I just hope it doesn’t infect anyone here, especially Katrina.
February 8, 2020
Today was a really bad day.
Dad decided not to let me compete in tomorrow’s tournament. I’m sure I broke to tears when he told me. Not only will weekends of training be wasted, but I won’t be able to stand on the same platform as Katrina when we win.
As heartbreaking as this is for me, part of me understands why dad did it. This corona virus is spreading around the world. Still, from what I’ve seen on the news, it’s not as bad as the other bugs. So what if it gives you flu-like symptoms? I fought in a tournament and won medals while sick with the flu!
I shouldn’t have told dad that it was an international tournament; maybe he would have let me compete then. But maybe he wouldn’t have. If he saw the foreign teams register for that tournament, he might have still withdrawn me.
I wonder how Katrina did? Did she win gold in her events? Did she even notice that I withdrew?
February 9, 2020
It turns out that Katrina did well in her event. According to her facebook posts, she won bronze in her kata and silver in her kumite. Considering she just turned brown back in January, this shows incredible improvement on her part. How I wish I could have been there with her.
I wonder when the next tournament will take place? I hope it’s soon, so I can get back in the game with Katrina. Wait for me, dear. I’ll be there soon.
March 14, 2020
There won’t be any tournaments anytime soon. Or any training for that matter.
The President just announced that a nationwide lockdown is in effect as of today. Nobody is allowed to go out of their homes unless it’s for an emergency or for essential travel like buying groceries. That means there’ll be no karate training while the lockdown is in effect. As if that wasn’t clear enough, Sensei Joaquin made an official announcement on our facebook page that training at his dojo will stop until further notice.
I’m going to miss Katrina. I know her parents monitor her social media activity and her phone use so I won’t be able to chat with her without them knowing it. The only way we could talk in private is at training, and now that’s stopped…this is such a tragedy.
June 13, 2020
After more than two months, we’re finally training again. It’s online but it’s better than nothing. And I finally got to see Katrina again, even if just by zoom.
She grew her hair longer during those months we were separated. I think it makes her more beautiful now. I wonder if she noticed any changes in me? I wonder if she even missed me?
I don’t know how long we’ll be training this way. I saw on the news that different pharmaceutical companies are racing against time and each other to develop a cure or vaccine. Until they do, this is the world we have to live in now, thanks to covid. This is our new normal.
One thing hasn’t changed, though. I still love Katrina.
Yes. I love her.
And I look forward to the day when I can say that to her in person.
Please let that day come soon.
December 19, 2020
We took our promotion exam for brown 2. The big difference is it was online. So there was no kumite, not even a demonstration of kumite techniques. Sensei Ryan just had us recite the Dojokun in English and Japanese.
I have to admit, taking the exam online is much easier. My parents don’t have to give me a ride to ISKF RRM, and I don’t have to spar with others. But learning the advanced kata we need to do in the exam online is much harder. It’s confusing when we can only see Sensei Joaquin in front view. If it’s hard for us to learn, it must be even harder for him to teach.
Mom and dad celebrated my promotion by having someone deliver samgyupsal to our home. I wonder how Katrina celebrated her promotion? For that matter, I wonder what she’s been up to? She hasn’t been active on social media, so that means either she has nothing to post, or her parents make her not post anything.
October 23, 2021
I received a big announcement from Sensei Joaquin after today’s online promotion exam. He said that he just got his second dose of covid vaccine. He also said that when all his students get their second dose vaccination, we can return to face-to-face training. As soon as I heard this, I asked my parents when I can get vaccinated. They said they’ll check first to see if it is available for teenagers and if there are any adverse effects on those among my age who will get vaccinated. I understand their caution, but I hope they hurry up.
I’m actually happier with the news that we would soon return to face-to-face training than the fact that Katrina and I passed our promotion exam to brown 1. Why? The same reason I want to get vaccinated as soon as possible. I can’t wait to see Katrina again in the dojo.
March 5, 2022
At last, Katrina and I have returned to Sensei Joaquin’s dojo.
She’s grown taller these past two years. And she cut her hair short. It’s different, but still beautiful.
I wonder what she thinks of me? She smiled when she saw my dyed hair, but I can’t tell if she liked it or laughed at it.
Sensei had us review all the kata he taught us, and he taught us a lot during the lockdown. I guess that’s our advantage in training online during the lockdown: we got to focus on learning the advanced kata we need. As for our disadvantage, our sparring skills really went down because we could not practice live drilling online. Sensei said he’ll have us do more live drilling in succeeding weeks, along with MMA. I look forward to doing them with Katrina.
August 21, 2022
Today is our first face-to-face tournament after the lockdown.
We only won medals in kumite. We competed in the same weight class this time, and Katrina got silver while I got bronze. I’m happy just to be able to get a medal with her. As for kata, we’re still relatively new brown belts, so we haven’t mastered the advanced katas yet. Our opponents looked like they’ve been at their current belt level for months, maybe years, and they’re very adept at their katas. What’s more, the katas we did looked easy compared to the katas of our opponents. We have to learn something more complex.
We went straight home after our event. We have classes tomorrow, and we didn’t want to risk infection even if we already have our second dose vaccination. It’s a good thing Sensei Joaquin understood.
I wonder when the next tournament will be, and if Katrina and I will be ready by then?
October 15, 2022
I know when our next tournament will be. Sadly, it will be our last tournament together.
Sensei Joaquin announced the schedule of the next tournament (December 2022) before the start of the class. I was excited throughout the session because it meant more training with Katrina again for the next few weekends. But then Katrina made her own announcement after the end of the class. She said that her family is migrating to Japan in January next year. She said that they planned to migrate there back in late 2020, but then the lockdown happened and it got postponed. Now that the lockdown is over, and travel restrictions are being lifted, her parents decided to go ahead with it.
It shocked me to silence. Apparently, I was the only one who didn’t know because Sensei Joaquin took it all in stride. Her parents must have informed him in private. As for me, I took it as well as the time when my dad told me he was pulling me from the tournament. I cried. Katrina tried to comfort me, but there was no stopping my tears.
Why does it have to end like this?
November 19, 2022
I made a very big decision today.
Our parents allowed us to compete in the December tournament, so we started tournament training today. But that’s not what’s important. What’s important is what happened after training.
Once class was over and Katrina’s parents picked her up, I talked to sensei. I had time because I told my parents to pick me up about fifteen minutes after class. I decided to tell him about my feelings for Katrina, and to ask him for advice on whether I should confess my feelings to her or not. He told me three things.
The first thing is that he is not in a position to give relationship advice because he is not in a relationship. The second is that I should be honest about everything – what I do, what I say, and what I feel. The third is that whatever I do, it should be something I can live with.
And so I’ve decided to confess to Katrina how I feel about her. I’ll do it after our kumite event in the December tournament. I think it will be the best place to confess: in our last tournament together, I will hold nothing back of what I have learned and nothing of what I have in my heart.
I must prepare for the December tournament.
December 11, 2022
Today is just full of surprises.
My surprise came when I beat Katrina in the finals of our kumite event. This is the first and most likely last and only time I ever beat her for the gold in a tournament. She congratulated me, not knowing what I had in store for her.
Her surprise came after we changed from our competition attire to our regular clothes. As soon as we were out of the restroom, I asked if we could have a moment in private. She had a confused look on her face, but she agreed. We went to an isolated corner of the mall’s level. When she asked what it was about, I took a deep breath and said as straightforwardly and as sincerely as I could the speech I have been preparing for weeks, all the while holding her hands in mine:
Katrina, this is the last time I will ever speak to you in person, so I just want to say something that I’ve felt ever since I met you. I love you. I always have. And I always will. Even if you don’t love me back, it’s all right as long as you know how I feel about you, because I have to be honest about what I feel and I can’t live with myself if I don’t tell you. You’re the only one for me.
I’m sure I cried when I said my speech, but they were tears of joy as much as they were tears of sadness. She didn’t give me a reply at once, and I didn’t expect her too. When I finished my speech, I let her go, turned around, and went to my parents. I told them I wanted to go home. Since Katrina and I already had our pictures taken together while wearing our medals and competition attire, they did not object. They did ask what I was crying about. I just told them that I was crying because it was our last tournament together. That’s not too far from the whole truth.
January 7, 2023
This is it. Today is the first training day in Sensei Joaquin’s dojo for 2023. It’s sadly quiet in the dojo today, even with Thomas and Tina around, because today is also the day Katrina and her parents depart for Japan. I haven’t heard from her since the tournament, but I do hope she gave some thought to what I said.
Katrina, even if we’re hundreds of miles apart, even if you don’t reciprocate my feelings, I hope you will not forget me. Because I will never forget you. I love you. I always have. And I always will.
There is only one thing left to do now. Before I go to sleep tonight, I will check my facebook to see if she left any messages for me. It’s out of my hands now, it’s up to her. So I wait with fear and hope for the answer of the love of my life…
John Paul Lama is a yondan (4th degree) blackbelt in Shotokan karate in ISKF Philippines. He is currently finishing his Master’s Degree in Basic Education Teaching. He enjoys reading philosophy and watching horror movies.
Academy of the Heart And Mind 